New Year's Eve 2014 - TFW

As another year comes to a close, I can't help but sit in my quiet living room, gazing at my tree shining through the darkness and feel the peace around me.  Not the peace of the quietness but the peace in my heart, knowing that I am not doing this life alone.  Knowing that the presence of the very God of the universe is right here with me.  He holds my heart and soul in His capable hands and this is why I get to experience His amazing peace that I cannot find anywhere else in this mixed up world. We all need these time to step out of our busy lives to sit and know that He is God. That He is here. That my life is but a vapor in His timing but that His timing is always perfect and that is why I am right here.  Here in this crazy world of busyness with the unending things that entice us to take our eyes off from things above as we continue to listen the lies that we so willingly learned over our lifetimes.  I am so thankful for the past few years that God has seen fit to show me more clearly how these lies so readily shaped what I have believed and my actions and reactions.  He has shown me these things through sermons at my church, the women's bible studies, my personal devotions with the Scriptures, Jesus Calling and the Daily Bread.  However, I have to say that the "rubber hit the road" in our Faithful Weigh meetings and book studies.  God saw fit to bring His truths home to my heart by meeting me right where I thought I had "control" over.  Wow.  Was my thinking ever wrong!!  I am so thankful for each of our Faithful Weigher's, whether there in person at our meetings, receiving our emails or Facebook posts.  God has used all of this and our interactions with you all to reshape my thinking.  To bring forward the lies I have believed so that I had to deal with them.  Some of them so very deep in my character that I didn't even know they were lies.  Our defense can be that "this is who I am"!  But God...in His almighty, sovereign wisdom and design of our amazing bodies, knew different.  If we truly believe and desire the words that we repeat from God's word, "to be holy as I am holy", we must surrender each and every one of those beliefs based on the lies of this world, to His truths.  His truth will set us free and we will be free, indeed.  Ahhh...with this progress I have made...in my eyes it may seem great...in God's smiling, all-knowing eyes, He knows I have far to travel but that my life is reflecting more and more of His truths.  What a blessing to look back on this past year and to actually realize the changes He has made through this avenue of my eating!  Who knew that what and why I put food in my mouth is a very reflection of my trust in Him!!  Wow....I have so far to go but I am so thankful for the journey with Him and each of YOU, that I have been blessed to travel this past year.  As random as my brain thinks, this thought just came to me!  Have we ever wondered why an onion smells so bad and strong that it can force our tear ducts to leak?  Aha!!  God knew that as we "peeled off" the onion layers of the lies we have believed, that we would weep with surrendered hearts and then realize the joy and peace when that smelly stuff is thrown in the garbage!!  (aka...as far as the east is from the west!)  Whooohooot!  Praise His Name for the amazing work He has done in our lives and with this knowledge, we have hope in the days to come because He is faithful and His way is true!  Hence we came to this wonderful weight-loss support ministry that God has blessed Laurie and I to facilitate for Him.  The Faithful Weigh!  My prayer for this New Year of 2015 is that this journey we are walking, even though it may feel like we are trudging along, may bring you the hope that God is with you, that He is for you and that He will keep you close to Him as you continue to surrender your layers of onions to the amazing truths, peace and joy that awaits us along the way.  Many blessings to each of you, my sweet Faithful Weigh Friends.  I truly love you all in the Name of my Lord and Savior.  Mary Ann

The Light of the Christmas Star....

I have always loved the picture of the little shepherd boy gazing heavenward at the bright shining star over Bethlehem.  The light that announced the coming of God's only Son to save a lost world from the darkness of sin.  I, too, want to gaze heavenward at the Light of this world each day that God gives me on this earth.  To allow His Light to seep into my heart and illuminate every dark shadow with His presence.  To bring me the joy and peace that we hear so much about this time of year.

One morning recently, I got to thinking about God's light pouring down on me and the shadow behind me from His light. 

First, that His light shines down on me, almost like a spotlight with a circle of light around me, to show me the next step.  If I try to look beyond the circle of light, it is dark.  Where the footstep in the darkness may lead can only be imagined.  I am only to take that next step on my path of life, that God is allowing me to see by His light.  If I choose to turn away from His light, then I will be taking those steps in darkness of my own shadow.   Because I am His child, He does not remove His light from me.  I create the shadow from His light behind me when I think I can do things my own way, in my own strength.  I came upon this verse in my pondering.  2 Corinthians 4:6,  "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ."    "Lord, help me to walk only in Your light that shines in my heart."

The second thought that rolled around my thinking was that when God's light shines on me, it also reflects off from me.  When I thought about the science of light bouncing off from objects it hits, it was a clear picture of God's light bouncing off from what He is doing in my life WHEN I am keeping my eyes focused on Him and walking in His lighted path for me.  The purpose of a light is so that one can see the way.  The purpose of God's plan for me is to reflect His light and His glory to those around me who may be struggling to keep their faces lifted towards God's  light of hope or may be choosing to walk in their own shadows.  One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 3:5 that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding."   I have learned through many years of walking in God's light and trudging in my own shadow, that trusting the Lord for my very next step is the only place that I can find hope, peace and joy that the angels sang about in the lighted sky that night so long ago.  The song that God brought to me to sing for our Christmas Eve service tonight is the "Christmas Star" by Cece Winans.   These words say what my heart is thinking this morning.

 "The greatest gift that God could give became the Christmas Star.

There's a light that shines on everyone, 

Burning brighter everyday

For the souls who search for peace on earth

It's the Christmas Star that lights the way."

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to each of you and may you lift your face to the only source of peace and joy, Jesus Christ our Lord. 

Internal Cues, Rest, Hunger, Fullness & Trust! TFW

Happy Friday, Faithful Weigher's.  I  trust you are having a good week, so far, trusting God for your internal cues.  As we continue to discover the amazing design God created in our bodies, we are learning about even more of His perfect design in our Bible Study on Hebrews at PYBC.  This week the focus was on REST!  I know...you all don't have to tell me to "listen to it".  As for you that know me, God has to "slap me upside the head" at times when there is something He is bringing to my attention. :)  He does this by bringing this topic to me in many different ways.  Last night, the dvd study was so good.  This morning, Sarah Young, the author of "Jesus Calling" must have called up Lisa Harper and coordinated the exact topic and day that I would be watching the dvd and reading the devotional!  How dare those two connive on my behalf!  :)  All kidding aside, this is a serious topic for most of us.  Sarah says in JC this morning, "I built into your very being the need for rest.  How twisted the world has become when people feel guilty about meeting this basic need." There you have it.  Another area of God's perfect design of our bodies that we easily overlook or ignore the signals it is giving to us.  To me, this brings another layer to the phrase we have been using a lot in this book study.  "To listen to our God-given internal cues."  I, for one, need to also listen to these cues, to rest!  However, as we have learned this week and last that hunger pangs and fullness is subjective, rest also is.  It means different things to different people.  First, I "rest" when I am in God's Word and writing in my journal in the morning.  This is my "spiritual rest".  It might be a half hour, it might be 2 hours.  I so look forward to my morning coffee time with my Lord.  My "physical rest" to me is sleeping at night, of course, but "rest" in the other part of my life is sitting with my hubby or a friend, chatting about stuff over a cup of coffee.  I know..my brain isn't resting...but this is what I enjoy doing, this is what I lament that I don't have more time to do.  However, as I listen to my internal cues for hunger, fullness and now tiredness, God is teaching me to rely more and more on Him and to trust Him more and more in the moments of my day.  It is from Him that I will learn His meaning of these cues for me.  I desire that my cues will be subjective, not to what I perceive but to His will and plan for me. To bring Him glory with my life. Ya know, I am so grateful that God has brought me to this time of my life, with all the hardships I have endured. Without my journey with Him thus far, I would not be where I am, right now, learning of His amazing design and will for me.  I am excited to be right where I am and to keep walking with my Lord!  Trusting God in more areas of my life that I didn't realize I had "control" of.  Are you praising God today for the journey He has brought you on?  Are you excited for what He is teaching you right now?  Is your desire to be subjective to God's design and will for you?  As I read over the prayer request that we had this week at our meetings, the underlying need I see is that we trust God in each of our areas of need.  He is worthy of our trust!  Blessings for the weekend, my sweet Faithful Weigh Friends!

Is It Really that Simple? YES! TFW

Happy Friday, Faithful Weigher's.  It seems like it's usually on a Friday that I feel that I need to reach out to you all!  I really missed being at our meetings the past week.  As the saying goes, "You never know what the day brings".  This seems especially true in my world!  Thank you for your understanding and prayers for my daughter.  She is not doing what she "thinks" she should be doing but I think that she is improving a little each day.  The 6 to 7 weeks of healing seems like forever in her thinking, as a working mom with many responsibilities.  It certainly would for most of us, too.

So, what a handout, huh?  I especially liked how Dr. Rita explained what God says in His Word first, in our last week's handout, and then gives us her thoughts on the lies of dieting that the world has led us to believe.   I have to say that I have read the verses she gave to us last week many times over  many years.  I thought that I understood them enough but in the light of these points that she made this week, perhaps I didn't understand how they pertain to God's plan for me, my own body and way of thinking!  They were "good for Bible day people", I must have reasoned.   Until I read these  things about what diets really are and what they do to our bodies and our minds, it made those verses and the very creation of our bodies even more clear.  God said that "It was good".   The world has told us that "It is not good, you need to do this and that to make it good"...and I am one that bought into many of these, too.  You would have thought that with all of the wonderful book studies and insight that God has given to us in the past 2 years of TFW, that those things which I held onto that hindered me would be discovered and done with.  Well, think again, my sweet friends.  There are more layers to peel of this onion!  I was reading in another book, unrelated to this topic, that we so easily get wound up in the world's idea of "life" with all of its needs and must haves, that we smother the amazingly simple truth that God has for us.  That we can have freedom in Christ, peace that passeth all understanding which He promises us when we live our lives in His presence and for His glory.  The stuff of the world is so much harder to follow than seeking God in the moments of our day.  Dr. Rita talks about the bondage we are in and how food becomes our "boss" and so many other areas of our lives that are affected by the lies of dieting.  I have been there and I have coached many clients through a rigid dieting process.  I know now why God allowed me to do those things.  For such a time as this, He allowed me to do all of that to bring me to a point of seeing much more clearly how my thinking and desires bought into these false hopes.  Yes, with willpower and money, they worked ...for a while.  Then the process got "old" and the money was gone and life returned to the way it was before I was enticed to "the last diet I would have to ever be on".   I know this now...if I hadn't been there and done that, I wouldn't understand where I have been as clearly as I do today.  As I counted grams of protein, carbs, fats, calories and adhered to a restricted list of allowed foods, I admit I had to seek God's help because on my own, I would have quit the hour after I started.  I admit that I was at a point with physical pain that I knew I needed to do something drastic to change where I was and to improve my health without medications.  I can now understand why God allowed that particular program to come before me and allowed me to be successful on it , changing the way I eat and ending a  progressive health issue.   I didn’t' do it without His help.  I thank Him for that and for improving my overall health through it.  But I thank Him even more, looking back, for the experience I had and the opportunity I had to help others, to enter into their worlds and see their hearts, the desires, their hopes that they thought this program would bring to them.  For some, it didn't last even a month.  For others, they were successful in their goals but when they stopped, they have gained it all back and some even more.  The reason I feel God allowed me to go through that experience?  So I could more clearly see the truth that God had given us at creation and that He is faithful in His promises.  So that I could more clearly see that when we put our hopes and dreams into things of this world, we will be let down.  So why do we go on this path of the world?  Why do we allow our minds to be so strongly influenced by the world's lie of what is good for us?    I think we need to be active in learning what is healthy for our bodies and to eat good, wholesome foods and exercise as we can. This world has "fed" us many food items that are filled with things that are not good for us and have created a lifestyle that is much more sedentary than what we were created for.  Please don't think that I am saying that we can sit in our recliners while we nibble on an apple and call it good!  But what I have come to understand and can see more clearly is this.  Why do we go to such great lengths to follow the rules of a man-made plan when God's plan is so simple.  He created man in His own image and said that it was all good.  (Genesis 1:27,31)  It's really simple.  In simple, child-like faith, just say "Jesus".  When you don't fully understand what is before you, whether you are truly hungry, or if you are attempting to fill a void inside your heart, just say "Jesus".  God is faithful and He will draw you closer to Him in your moments of your day.  There, you will unsmother the peace and freedom in Christ that we read so many times in scriptures.  He's right there, just say "Jesus".  Blessings, my sweet Faithful Weigh Friends.  

God Says I Can Eat What? TFW

I have been encouraged by a friend to post my writings for our weight-loss support group, The Faithful Weigh. I always felt that I had to tweak them before I could post them but have not found the time to do that.  However, with her encouragement, I will just repost into my blog the words that God gives me to share with our group. I will include in my title, TFW, for these post.  I pray that they will encourage the hearts that read them here, too.

Happy Friday, Faithful Weigher's!  If you were at our meetings on Tuesday or have read the handout online,  for me, it was refreshing to see from God's Word what we CAN eat and do instead of what we CAN'T eat and do!  Who knew?  GOD!  He knows because He created us and every "internal cue" that our bodies give us and we are "cueless" to what their purposes are!  :)  Gluttony  was an "ouchy" topic for me to dig into.  I don't know about you but my first response to this was that I'm not a glutton because I am not obese, nor do I eat everything in sight.  Well, Dr. Rita shot that thought right out of my thinking for I am guilty, even to this day, without even knowing that I was. I continually, eat in excess beyond the needs of my body, just plainly because I want to!  Eating beyond the internal cue I must have had and ignored, until I was ready to plop in my chair until my massive stomachache let up.   Did you ever think of that as gluttony?   The Living Bible described gluttons in Titus 1:12 as "lazy and living only to satisfy their stomachs."   Plus, who knew that "excess" means, as defined in the Webster Dictionary, "exceeding proper established limits."  Wow!  Did Mr. Webster know God's perfect and amazing design of our bodies and how He created us to know when we need to nourish our bodies and when we have had enough to sustain us?    I don't know about you but this was such affirmation to me that my God is an awesome and amazing God and from the beginning of time, He made me perfect in His sight with "proper established limits".   My sin nature has covered up, so to speak, His perfect design by buying into so many of the world's lies about my image and also how to soothe my emotions through the indulgence of food and pleasure.  After all, "I'm worth it", right?  When I stopped and thought about how I have thought that this fulfilled my worth, I have been going down a path of destruction.   If I have been trying to define my worth by the worlds standards I would have ended up where many have and will end up.  Fat and unhappy!  I am thanking God for the path of His provision in my life that has brought me to this place.  The diets I have done, the "wisdom" I had believed in, the success and failures I have endured, were only allowed by Him to teach me what He had already had given to me.  Isn't it just like God to be so patient and faithful to those that He loves so much?  Are you enjoying the freedom that is right here for us in these truths we are learning?  If you feel the need to dig into something to try to fulfill some unknown need, dig into His Word!  It is so rich and full and will bring you more peace and joy than any chocolate chip or whatever your comfort food could ever do.  Blessings, my Sweet Faithful Weigh Friends.    

Yes...I'm still here!! It's a busy Summer!

Howdy and Happy Summer 2014!  Wow....I would have thought I would have lived through the busiest summers of my life but this one has proved otherwise.  My blog has always been in the back of my mind but the hours allowed in a day has not allowed me to sit for long.  I have realized, however, that I do not need long to post my thoughts and happenings in my life.  I think rather quickly and type as fast as my thoughts ramble through my mind...or so my friends tell me.  There is really no excuse for my lack of postings over the last 2 months.  It is not that I haven't been writing.  I have had time to share my thoughts with my Faithful Weigh gals over these weeks and my journal is nearing the end of another volume.  It has been an emotional time these past couple of months as I work through another year of anniversaries of my son's and my mom's passing on to glory.  Also, there was much work into organizing and enjoying our annual golf tournament in memory of my boys. What a great day it turned out to be.  I hope to share these moments of my life with you.  I just need to figure out that I can do it in small increments.  I am learning that some of my readers and friends do better with "shorter" thoughts. This is a difficult task for a quick thinker and "typer". :)   I will try!  I also have some great pictures I would love to share.  God has blessed me beyond my hopes and dreams in these past weeks.  I am learning to walk with Him in each moment and find the joy in this adventure He has me on.  I stand in awe of  my amazing God.  May you, too, stand in awe of His presence in your world.
Blessings, my blogger friends!

Seeking His Son to shine.....

I am seeking the Lord this morning to fill me with His spirit to overflowing. To be filled with His grace, mercy and  love.  To be strengthened by His message of Hope of my forever life with Him in heaven.  This world and all that goes on in it is but a vapor in His eyes….but to us, it can feel like an uncertain eternity.  The common sayings we often hear and speak such as "Life goes on.." and "It is what it is" are really words of giving up our control and understanding of the circumstances we are facing in our lives at any given moment.  This is how I am feeling this morning.   Drained from this past week of emotions, a hectic pace, work and home responsibilities that only seem to grow instead of getting whittled down, little by little.  The devastation and loss of the flooding in my hometown, Penn Yan, and the quickly failing health of my soon to be 82 year old mother-in-law, and the care she needs.  The other  more "normal" things in my life that God has blessed me with that I am struggling to keep up with.  My family, the workload at my job, the ministries God has given me  and keeping up with my home.  Not  to mention planning the golf tourney in memory of my sons.  I must give to my God the fact that all of these matters are in His hands.  For it truly is what it is because God has allowed it to be so.  Therefore, life does go on...and  I will be strengthened to rise on the wings of eagles as I take each step forward, doing what He has created me to do for His glory.  "One day at a time, sweet Jesus" the old familiar words from a hymn ring in my ears and heart.  I will be filled by His spirit to overflowing with His amazing goodness and strength because He has promised to do this for me and He is steadfast and faithful.  May His Son shine in your life today, too. Blessings to you this Lord's Day.

Seeking God...for our "Yes and No's"!

Happy Thursday Morning!  I was awake way too early this morning.  The Lord had some scripture for me to read to bless and encourage me with so I am thankful for being up before the crack of dawn.  I wondered aloud to my hubby, "Where would I be without my God?"  I am so amazed at His grace, mercy and great love for me.

I thought about our handout for our weight-loss support group as I sipped my "whole body pleaser" a.k.a. coffee.  As I read about setting godly boundaries, I went to the chapter  in our "Thin Within" book and read something that I think is really important as we seek God's wisdom and guidance in our saying "Yes" and "No". It has to do with the previous chapters we have worked through.  Thin Within says, "It is possible that those significant events you reviewed in Day Sixteen, (our Week 17 handout) may affect your ability to establish godly boundaries. For example, if others have treated you inappropriately and violated your personal boundaries, you may not have a clear understanding as to what makes boundaries godly and what makes them inappropriate.  If so, it is especially important for you to seek the Lord, and possible godly counsel, to determine what appropriate boundaries are for you at this time. ...As our restoration work continues, let's remain aware of the ways the enemy has encroached on us in the past, so we can be better  prepared for the future."  As I was reading this, I felt it important to share this with you that are seriously seeking to set those godly boundaries in your lives.  We have learned that those events of our past may have shaped who we have become but God is the master of our hearts and thinking.  Therefore, when we go to Him, surrendering our thinking on a decision that we need to make, we give Him the authority over those significant events that have directed our thoughts in the past.  What freedom God gives to us when we can stand sure that He has directed our path.   One of my favorite verses just came to my mind as I typed this.  Proverbs 3:5 & 6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight".  God's Word...brought to life, right here and right now in this part of our study! So cool!!  We are all on this journey for His purpose in our lives.  To grow closer to Him, to know Him better and to let His light shine through us for His glory. Another portion of scripture that brought me so much peace this morning is 2 Corinthians, chapter 4.  God's word is so rich....but that is for another blog. :)  Blessings, as you seek His plan for your day.

WOW!!!  I have ONE THOUSAND  page views on my blog!!!!  I am so very blessed by what God has done!!!  THANK YOU to ALL who have come to AUNT ANNIE'S ANTICS blog as I have shared the words God has given to me.  This is such an amazing thing to me!  I look forward to keep on, keeping on and learning more on what to do with my blogging. I have years worth of stories to tell but I can't seem to find the time to get to them!  Life just keeps happening, praise God, and I know when His timing is right, I will dig them out.  For right now, however, it's CELEBRATION TIME!!!  I must go have a piece of dark chocolate or something!  :)   Whooohoooot!  Blessings, my special readers!

Fly to Jesus...and be Free!

Good Morning! Hard not to wake up and be energized by the beautiful sunrise and clear skies! I hope that I don't overload you all but I was reading "Jesus Calling" for today and couldn't help but share how it applies to our handout for this week for The Faithful Weigh. It talked about "excessive planning" but what it said next hit me. It says, "Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me." This is so true with so many things in our lives! Those things in our past that we have hidden from "the light" have become such a part of us that we have not been aware of how they are affecting so many part of our lives, most importantly our intimate, trusting relationship with God. We may be so "used to" making sure it is "hidden" from those around us, even God, that we cannot not see how that "work" of hiding it has shaped who we are, how we speak, how we act, how we love and how we walk with our Lord. This pattern that we have grown accustomed to. Even though we may not completely understand what may be "hidden" that has deeply entwined itself into who we are, God already knows what it is. "Jesus Calling" goes on to say, "Repent of this tendency and resist it, whenever you realize you are wandering down this well-worn path. Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment. I accept you back with NO CONDEMNATION." God has already forgiven you for those sins of your past when you came to the foot of the cross and washed you white as snow. He has forgotten them as far as the east is from the west. Yes, He may have allowed them to happen to you to mold and shape you into who He has planned for you to be BUT he has never asked you to carry those sins past the cross where He died for them. Resist that well-worn pattern of even our unconscious attempt to keep hidden that which has been brought to the light of His shining grace, mercy, forgiveness and love. LIVE as a redeemed precious daughter of Christ in the FREEDOM of loving and living for Him without restrictions. Right now, this morning, after seeing this wonderful truth from my Father, I feel as if I can fly with the eagles!! Fly to Jesus, my sweet Friends and be free!

What a Good Friday Morning...Indeed!

This morning, conflicting thoughts have flowed from my pen as I read God's Word.  Today, this weekend, we are celebrating what our Lord did for us by dying on the cross and raising from the dead so that we have a way to know Him and be with Him forever.  I believe this with all of my being and know that He is my Savior and I am His child .   I know God's Word to be true and He is worthy of my praise.  Then why these conflicting thoughts as I read His Word in Psalms 139 this morning?  I love the Psalms!  God has used them more times than I can count to comfort my soul and lift my spirit  in praise of His love and goodness for me.   I have prayed verses 23 & 24 many times and know that God is faithful to His words.  "Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." 

I was reading this chapter  this morning as the reference for our weekly handout for The Faithful Weigh.  We are being reminded that God knows all about us, our comings and our goings, our thoughts and our actions.  Even who we were going to be before we were formed in our mothers womb.  I can not even question God's truth in these verses.  Then why, when I came to those last verses that I know so well, do I find myself struggling with these conflicting thoughts?  When I came to these familiar words, thinking in the realm of my eating habits, as I continue on this healthy-eating journey, I find that even though I believe God's truth in them in many areas and circumstances of my life, I must think  they do not apply to my thoughts and response when it comes to my eating.   This is a bit troubling to me because I love and know my God and stand on His truth as my foundation.  How can I block these very truths out of many of my thoughts and responses?  And then the next thought that "justifies" my actions?  This  is not a "new" journey for me.  God has blessed me with many years of walking with Him and it has been a few years now that I realized that my eating habits were a part of this walk with Him, too.  I know that as we battle with the sin nature within us.  I echo Paul's struggle in Romans 7:15 where he says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do."  This is where I am when a situation comes into my day that I just don't know what to do with.  It's filled with emotions and feelings that I can't seem to figured out.  There seems to be no action that I can take to "fix it" but I just can't stop thinking about it and mulling it over and over.  In those times, IF I was applying God's truth in the "prayer" in Psalms 23 & 24, I would be trusting God to already know my anxious thoughts, to show me any error in my thinking and walk with me through it in the way of righteousness.  However, this is what I look back and observe what I do, over and over again.  I evidently "forget" the truth on which I stand.  I mull over the conversations, the possible "fix it" remedies, the frustrations of my words not being heard, the actions of others, and on and on I go.  I realized that what I am doing is searching my OWN mind, therefore, my thoughts are formed by my sin nature.  Inside of these thoughts, I am seeing how I have been offended or hurt by this situation, as self always dominates our sinful ways.  As this process continues, I will try to find some way to make this situation turn out right, in my way of thinking.  While I am going through this internal turmoil, somewhere deep inside of me, my senses are heightened by a need to be pacified and I seek to find something to do just that.  Without another conscious thought, I reach for anything to give me that comfort of doing something that I don't have to think about it.  This, for me, is munching, grazing, chewing, sipping or even gobbling down food!  While in this state of "unconscious eating", you can bet that it is NOT a healthy choice!   Hence the conflict that I so clearly see this morning.  Not a conflict within God's Word, but within me!  Should not this prayer, that I know is God's truth and He has answered for me so many times, be my prayer  in these times as well?  Yesterday, as a matter of fact?  This is the question I ask myself today.  Am I truly taking all of God's Word as His "Pardon, Provision, Presence and Power" (TW) in my everyday life?  Or, am I choosing to believe some of these truths all of the time, some s half the time, yet, sometime forget them as if they never even existed?  My prayer today is,  "Father, I believe that You are my Savior, my Provision in all things.  That Your constant presence and mighty power are with me. Forgive me, Lord, for choosing not to believe Your words of truth that I have read in the Psalms when I come to circumstances in my day that cause me to run my own way instead of seeking Your way. Help me, Lord, to live each moment in Your presence and know that each thought is captured by YOU before I can even form it enough to respond to it. Oh Father, help me to quickly remember that You have done this so that I will not go on in my own way but that I will follow Your leading that  keeps me from following my sin nature.  "Oh God, I need Thee, every hour I need Thee, O bless me now my Savior, I come to Thee."  Amen. 

I come humbly to this remembrance of what Jesus did for me to save me from the sin that separated me from the glorious riches in Him.  Praise God that He is risen, indeed!  It is a good Friday, for He has reminded me of who He is!

So long......but not Silent!

I do believe that Spring has finally arrived here in New York!  Winter seemed to have a tight grasp on our region and also, our dispositions as we seemed to have to grip harder to hold down our need for brighter, warmer weather.   In that grip, I think it squelched my ability to keep up with my blog.  Certainly not because my creative brain was frozen!  I have been very busy writing, creating and continuing on my journey that God has planned for me.  I have been so blessed and also a tiny bit overwhelmed and tired from all of my activities of the last month.  One of my ministries that God has blessed me to be a part of is our Women's Ministry at my church.  We have just been privileged to host our annual Retreat with the most women than we have had in the past 10 years.  Weeks of brainstorming and planning with the women's ministry team was enjoyed by all who came.   We give God the glory for every moment of it.  From the theme,  "Sisterchicks", to the facility, a beautiful huge lake home and every part of the music, decorations, gifts and for giving me the words to share during our "special speaker" time.  I was so grateful and blessed to have this opportunity to share God's truth of the importance of having a "Sisterchick" friendship with another women.  God has blessed my life with so many special friends and it's not because I am anyone special.  It's more about what God has done for me through His grace, mercy and unconditional love that I have learned to love, laugh and enjoy the blessings of others in my life.  I may share what I spoke on sometime here on my blog.  God is so incredibly amazing with the wisdom He has put in His Word that I haven't even seen before.  But , for today, I am just checking in to let my readers know that I have not gone.  I have not been silent in my month long absence.  I have been busy, tired and waiting for the weather to inspire me to get out of my chair after my work day, to get my body moving to better this temple God has given to me and to reign my thoughts and time into the routine of writing on a regular basis again.  I have much swirling around to write and do with my blog.  In God's time, it will come and when it comes, you will see what has been swirling in the cyber space of my mind.  I have to laugh at the "new" technology of putting things in "clouds" to store.  It's not new!  God designed our brains to do just that, to store things in there until it is time to bring them down and put them into formed words and actions.  I'm glad it's that easy for God to do this because I am technically challenged and can't figure out how to get things in or out of the "cloud"!   With that thought, I will get moving!  It is Saturday and my week-long neglected housework is calling my name...and I think it may be "Procrastinator"!  Blessings for this glorious, sunny, Spring day!

The Piercing of the Sword....OUCH and THANK YOU!!

What a blessing I have enjoyed this week with the gathering of sister's in the Lord .  I say "enjoyed" only because of the hindsight of reflecting on those times, but as they were happening it was more like a pain of the reality that I was in... OUCH!  But isn't that what the Word speaks to us in Hebrews 4:12 & 13?  It says "For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than a double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  NOTHING in all creation is hidden from God's sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."  That is my emphasis on NOTHING.  These verses pierce every excuse we can come up with to not do what we know God has called us to do when it comes to our actions, decisions and choices.  We definitely can understand Paul's dilemma in Romans 7:14 where he says that "I do not understand what I do.  For I do what I don't want to do."  He goes on to ask in verse 24, "Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!"  We, like Paul, and every true believer that we come in contact with, can echo his words and know the answer to our unending question of who our rescuer  is.  Praise God that through the blood of Jesus Christ that we are not left in this endless state of wandering, repeating our destructive choices over and over again.   Our discussion yesterday at our meetings at The Faithful Weigh were pretty deep and thought provoking as we continued to look at past experiences for the positive things that God had taught us through them .  We are also looking at our past and present failures as opportunities to grow closer and deeper with our Heavenly Father.  In doing this, we are opening more  "hidden" parts of our thinking;  sinful dark holes in our hearts that we have been attempting to keep under our own control.  It is painful to bring out in the open these very things that have brought us the consequences of selfish desires.  So many areas of our lives are affected, including our complete openness of our hearts before God.  The decisions we make to plan our day, our menus, our activities and the very thoughts and words that come out of our mouths come out of these hidden parts of us.  I'm sure that we all can echo the "OUCH" that I mentioned earlier.  I am so very thankful for the amazing work the Lord is doing through The Faithful Weigh in my heart and in the hearts of those precious ladies God has brought to join me in this journey with Him.  I wrote in my journal this morning that even though my soul was pierced by the sharp sword of truth yesterday, I came away refreshed and renewed and lifted to a higher  level in my spirit and hope in my Lord's love and grace for me.  That is my God!  Desiring to go so much deeper in my soul but yet His truth is so very plain and simple because He knew me before the world began.  He created me after His likeness.  He knew that the experiences that I would face, the failures that I have experienced were what I needed to peel off the layers of sin that bind me to a burdened, self-centered life.   Thank you, Lord.  Thank you for your patience, love, grace and mercy that You have for me, day after day.  Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, says today that "Waiting, trusting and hoping are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain."  It went on to say that , "If you mouth the words "I trust You" while anxiously trying to make things go your way, your words ring hollow."  My prayer for myself and my dear friends today is that we WILL mouth those words with a pure heart before our Lord and have this verse, Psalms 27:14 on our lips. "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."  I stand in the presence of God this morning in awe of His amazing grace, mercy and love for me and each of His own.  Blessings, my sweet friends.

Are Responses Really Truth?

What a winter!  Along with the frigid weather, we have had beautiful, sunny skies, moments of snow globes and a lot of opportunities to take notice of our  responses to all of them. I must admit, my response the sunny skies out my window have been nicer than my other grumbling responses.  God is working in many areas of my responses not just responding with food.  He is faithful when we truly come to Him with our hearts and hands wide open for His help. The term we learned this week is "unworkable beliefs". Thin Within tells us that, "Unworkable beliefs can be very powerful. They may, however, be so subtle that we accept them as facts rather than recognizing them as false beliefs or lies."   As we contemplate each of these beliefs and now are more aware of our responses to all situations, we can ask ourselves if there is any contradictions to God's truth in our responses. Think about it! Even when we say, "This winter is going to last forever!!" This is contrary to God's Word that promises a seedtime and harvest! (Gen. 8:22) So, remembering this truth, we can take heart and continue on instead of curling up in a blanket with yet another cup of sugar-laden hot cocoa and a cookie! (Or whatever your response to cabin fever is!) So, with that note, have a blessed week and pre-plan your response to this bitter cold and take note of the beautiful sunshine, blue skies and God's promise of Spring! Blessings!

Filling My Emotions....The Faithful Weigh

I am thankful that God is never tired of listening to me.  I have seen His faithfulness in my life over and over and know that He is always with me.  This healthy-eating journey is no different once I invited Him into this area of my life, that is.  We tend to think that eating is just a part of our lives because we need to do it to survive and it's up to us how we do it!  Well, the truth is, on my own, I "do it" way too much!  Knowing that God designed this amazing body that I am blessed to live in, brings God into the keeping of this body.  I have learned that it's not about how I look in the mirror or how fast I can run a marathon or having every picture of me air-brushed to perfection.  It's more about what I am doing to this temple that He gave me through His grace and mercy at the cross!  I have learned that I need to care for His temple in order to continue to serve Him in the many ways He has given me.  I am not able to do these things when I am not feeling good, unable to walk due to hip and knee issues or allergies that keep me captive in my home.  So, I am on this healthy-eating journey for a lifetime!  The Faithful Weigh is a grace place where I am learning about those areas of my life and my character, that needs to be changed in order to be the best I can be for the glory of God.  One of the exercises we are working on this week in our book study is what drives us to unconscious eating.  Those time when we just aimlessly go to the kitchen and put food in our mouths.  Those emotions that we experience that have FOOD written all over them!  This exercise brings them to the surface as we desire to eat and live a healthier  lifestyle.  My journey began this week by asking God to show me the emotions on our chart that He wanted me to deal with.  I knew that I needed to silence my voice of justification as I read down this list.  I knew that God would not speak to me when my words were already there.  So, in prayerful consideration, I started reading down through these emotions.  The first one that I came to that made me stop and ponder  was "bored".   My words that immediately came to my mind were,  "Ha, I am never bored!  I am a very busy woman with more to do than the time of day!"  Oops!  Forgive me,  Lord,  for  not waiting for YOUR words.  Then I thought….there are times, many times really, that I will just wander to the kitchen for something sweet or salty when I don't want to do the many things on my "to do" list, so I am feeling a little bored because there isn't anything that I immediately feel like doing.  Aha!   Have I ever thought of being bored in this way before?  I don't think so.   The next emotion on the list was "overwhelmed".   Yes, I have been in this place many times.  Mostly because I have taken on too many things to do, either at home our outside the home.  All good things but perhaps too many?  Then the situations and issues in our lives, my kid's lives  and others around me that I tend to take on as my own?  Yes, I have been overwhelmed, a lot!  What do I usually do?  As I thought about my reactions during this emotion, I can clearly see myself wandering to the kitchen and nibbling on anything that is in sight.  I confess that it is probably not something healthy like broccoli or carrots!  The third emotion that God stopped me on was "reward".  Now, is this really an emotion or is it more a reaction to an achievement?  It's both to me!  As I thought about this one, I  learned that I reward myself over every little thing I may have accomplished!  I get home from work and feel I deserve a treat because of all that I got done at the office that day.  I get home from an exhausting day of shopping,  doctor appointments, playing with grandkids, or whatever fun things I may have done and I think I deserve a treat because it was a tiring day!  So, after I take off my shoes and put my coat in the closet, I head for the cupboard or the snack basket in the corner of my counter!  Hmmm….it seems that I am not putting into my temple things that are truly needed but more importantly, I am replacing my true need for God's presence in these times of boredom, feeling  overwhelmed and thinking I need to  reward myself, with food!   Wow!  Talk about feeling overwhelmed!  Be ready when you ask God to show you the errors of your ways.  He is faithful and just to do so!  The next thing I knew I needed to ask God for was the actions I needed to take to fill those moments with Him instead of food.  Earlier  that morning, I was reading in Psalms 32.  It is filled with so many verses that encourages and lifts one up.  Verses 10 & 11 say, "Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trust in him.  Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous, sing, all you who are upright in heart!"  These words came quickly back to me.  This is what I can do when I aimlessly wander to the kitchen.  I can rejoice and sing His praises!  I love to sing and I know that you cannot sing with your mouth full of  food!  The next thing that came to me, I am still in awe of because I knew it was straight from the Lord.  The first two verses in that next chapter, Psalms 33 say, "Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;  it is fitting for the upright to praise him.  Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre."   Remember  that I read these verses  before I even started looking at this emotion chart.  When I read the verse about praising the Lord with the harp, I looked across my living room to my beautiful little Pakistanian Celtic harp and said,  "Oh, I so want to get playing that again."   Immediately after I had thought about praising God with singing, I said out loud  "I can play my harp instead of eating!"  God had given me two answer through His Word even before I asked the question, "What can I do?"  Isn't that just  like God?  Meeting our needs so perfectly designed for us when we stop our destructive ways and seek His way?  I am still in awe of His love and care for me in this area of my life.  When I truly think about it, it is a rather big area of my life, as I need to feed my body to sustain it.  Even more, I need to seek and listen to God to sustain me for eternity!  What a journey I am on with Him! I thank Him everyday for the joy, love and grace He so freely gives to me. 

Enough Food...Exodus 16. The Faithful Weigh

The Daily Bread took me to Exodus 16 this morning and God showed me something.  I don't really know if I have heard this somewhere before but it is the first time it resonated in my thinking that this pertains to me and those of us who are on a healthy-eating journey, as we continue to resist change in our eating habits.   It came to me how much we are like the Israelites in the desert.  This account of the Israelites journey is after God had brought them out of Egypt where they suffered in bondage under the rule of Pharaoh. They are in the Desert of Sin.  (The notes say that this name could have been derived from Siani….makes me wonder.)   The Israelites begin to grumble against Moses and Aaron saying that they should have died in Egypt because there they had pots of meat and ate all the food they wanted.  The Lord heard their complaining and provided manna in the morning and quail in the evening for them to eat.  God instructed them to only enough for each person but on the day before the Sabbath to take enough for the next day, too.  Even with God’s specific instructions, some took more during the week and some didn’t take enough before the Sabbath.  So here we are.   God has brought us to this place in our lives that we realized we needed to be brought out of our destructive lifestyle due to our overeating and laziness.  God has given us the desire to invite Him into this part of our lives and change us from the inside out.  We have learned what is healthy for us to eat and the importance of exercise in our daily routines.  We do real good for a while, filled with joy at the work of the Lord in our lives.  We lose a few pounds and are hopeful for the future as we follow this healthy lifestyle.  But then, we start grumbling about the foods that we should not eat or the serving sizes we need to stick to, missing the very types and amounts of food that got us where we were! When we are choosing healthy foods to eat, we take more than we need or think we are doing well by not eating when we should.   We rebel from our exercise routine by finding excuses to sit on the couch or to stay away from the gym.  The Lord speaks to Moses in Ex. 16:28, “…How long will you refuse to keep my commands and my instructions?...”  I felt like I am these Israelites and God is asking this question to me.  How long will you keep holding onto your destructive “Fat Machinery”, this unconscious eating and still call it unconscious?   Oh my goodness….Ron Hutchcraft is on the radio right now…and his statement was about the Israelites!  He said, “The Israelites were brought out of slavery but the slavery wasn’t out of them.”  God is incredible!  It goes right along with what I was thinking!  We have been brought to this place on our healthy-eating journey, but we are still struggling with our old selves!  Isn’t it time to realize what it is to be made new by His grace and allow God to truly change us from the inside out?  We no longer have to wallow in the rebellious desire to want what we can’t have but leave the rubble behind and rebuild this temple God has given to us.  How long will we refuse God’s commands and instructions?  Today, I will go forth in His grace and strength to follow what He has shown me.  Blessings for this day!

Psalms 139...The Faithful Weigh

Happy Weekend!  As our weight-loss support group works our way through the book, "Thin Within" by Judy and Arthur Halliday, we have different activities that help us look into ourselves to become aware of the root of our overeating.  As I continue on this healthy-eating journey, God continues to bring to me some amazing truths that I have known for years but had never applied them to my health.  Today is no exception. The Daily Bread took me to one of my favorite Psalms, chapter 139, this morning.  I loved the prayer at the end of today's reading.  It says, "Lord, help us to see beyond the moments of our lives and to delve deeply into Your marvelous handiwork and perfect design.  Forgive us for our short-sightedness and teach us to see You in every circumstance."  I couldn't help to think that as we do our "Mirror, Mirror Exercise" and the "Fat Machinery" activity, as we look at our reflections or reflect on our behavior that leads to unconscious eating, it is so easy to be "shortsighted" and react to what we see or feel at the moment.  It is a beautiful thought that as I am learning about myself, that I would see Him in all of it! In your moments this weekend, seek to see Jesus and He has promised to be right there with you.  Then you can say what Psalms 139:17 says, "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!.."  Blessings to you this day.

Valentine's Day Prayer

On this day I have many emotions swirling inside of me. Thankfulness for the love in my life. Hopefulness for the promises of love in my children's lives. Sadness for the loved ones that are not here to share their love with those left behind. Awed by the amazing love my God showers me with every moment of every day. I will hold onto this verse today and always. Isaiah 41:13 says, "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you." May the Lord, our God, hold onto your hand today and comfort and fill your heart with His eternal love! Blessings on this Valentine's Day!

My Healthy-Eating Journey...The Faithful Weigh

I thought it was time I introduce the ministry that God has given to my dearest friend, Laurie and I.  This week marks our 2nd Year Anniversary of a group we called  "The Faithful Weigh", a faith-based weight-loss support group.   Like most of us in the middle-age range, we have been on hundreds of weight-loss programs from cabbage soup to wonder-herb pills.  Although we have lost weight, it usually returned with some added pounds, too.  In a past profession, I found myself as a weight-loss coach for a program through a healthcare office, in which Laurie had joined me in doing.   We were both successful on this particular weight-loss program called Ideal Protein and coached several clients through a weight-loss of over a thousand pounds.  During this time, we learned so much about eating patterns, emotional eating, nutritional values and the false idea that weight-loss is just about the food and exercise you must do to achieve health.  When we both left that position and continued on our healthy eating on our own, we started to feel that God had a ministry for us but we just didn't know what it was.  We had a wonderful group of godly women praying with us that God would show us what He had planned for us to do.  Well, as we know, God is faithful to those who seek His will.  I was working in the church kitchen with a couple of friends, preparing a meal for a church event, and we were chatting about foods, nutrition and how and why we eat what we do.  One of them said to me…"Mary Ann, you should do something with all of this information you have!"  That is all it took to get the wheels turning and God started forming the desire to "do something".   I called Laurie the next morning and said what I  had been thinking since my conversation with these ladies and that we should start a weight-loss coaching group.   She replied to me that she had been in her beautifully finished basement the night before and  thought to herself,  "I should be using this beautiful room for some purpose."   Talk about chills down your spine!!  God has spoken to us His will!  We got together and started brainstorming and planning.  We would form a ministry group and meet in her basement!   I wandered into our church library the next Sunday and my eyes were drawn directly to one book among a whole shelf full.  The title?  "Faithfully Fit" by Claire Cloninger & Laura Barr.  I started reading it and knew, without a doubt, that this was the book God had planned for our group to start with.   It put into words what we were learning...that God was interested in our eating!  I, personally, along with many others that we have ministered to in these 2 years, had not even thought that God cared so much about our eating habits! Why?  Why didn't we figure this out during all of these years of dieting?  We started praying for a name and God gave to us, The Faithful Weigh.  We had an informational meeting in which 20 some ladies showed up to.  We had a couple of possible weight-loss programs to follow but let it be known that they should seek God's counsel on what weight-loss program, if any, that they should follow and that we would support and encourage them on their healthy-eating journey.  That is how we started and for 2 years now, we have been blessed over and over, week after week, by the work God is doing in all of our lives.  Some of our ladies have met their weight-loss goals and moved on in their  journey.  We learn the "tools" through God's Word and the study through godly books, but most of all, from the grace, mercy and encouragement from our wonderful group of ladies who come week after week.    We have a "secret" Facebook group, in which we can invite those in that would like to join us.  We have email mailings that we do with our weekly handouts and encouragement during the week, for those not on Facebook.  We are heading down on the scales but more importantly, closer to God as we continue this journey.   Now that you know about our ministry, I will most likely be posting thoughts and insights now and then on my blog.  My prayer is that God will use whatever He has deemed good in my blog post for His glory and that which is not of Him, will fall along the wayside.  Email me if you would like more information at maa319@frontiernet.net. Blessings!

Random thoughts....God's blessings!

I'm not quite sure where my mind is going this morning.  I feel the welling up of thoughts and words inside my head but they are so random and swirling that I feel like there are way too many to keep in there.  I have many things going on these days.  All of which I am so blessed to be a part of and mostly because God is working on my behalf and I am in awe.  Blessing abounded a couple of nights ago.  I had been through a long, busy day.  Things at my job are settling down with the training.  I went to a women's ministry team meeting and my mind was a whirl of brainstorming for the events coming up.  I was tired after being up since 5 am, mostly because ideas kept coming to my mind so I finally got up to write them down.  I was trying to design a logo for our women's overnight and the computer just wouldn't do what I needed it to do.  I was sitting working on things at home and I opened my emails and there was a sweet friend, telling me that I was a Proverbs 29:7 woman.  The reason for the blessing was that I had recently found that verse and shared it at our meeting to use for our event and to find out that God has shown that same verse to a friend who thought of me.  I felt so unworthy of those beautiful words.  Shortly after that, there was a knock at the door which startled me because my hubby wasn't expected home for awhile and there was another friend who handed me a gas gift card saying that him and his wife think of us often and wanted us to give it to us!  WOW! What did we do to deserve such a blessing?  I went back to my project and tried one more time to move a picture to where it needed to be and it moved!!  It was as if God said, "There, daughter!  I am here!"

Even thinking back on this, I am still in awe of the very presence of my Father, in my home, listening to my frustrations with the things and situations around me...He  was right here with me.   What a lift  to my spirit when I was feeling weary.   The other things that are on my mind is wedding planning, struggling with the lack of progress with healing of my neck and knee.  Dealing with getting my car fixed up before the warranty runs out.  Figuring out money stuff.  Working out a schedule for my days to exercise, write, do bookkeeping and housework.  Lots of things going on right now but the most beautiful thing is that God is right here with me….even when I'm not "paying attention" to His presence...He is still here.  What a beautiful thing that is.  How can you not lift up His Name in praise for caring for such a one as I?  Wow...such randomness that is going on here.  I need to go now...the work day is calling me and the weekend is at hand. :)  To God be the glory and He is worthy of my praise!  Blessings!

You know those long nights......

There are just some nights that seem to go on forever.  Last night was one of those for me.  You go to bed so tired that you can't think straight and the minute your head hits the pillow...well, after you get warmed up and cozy, your brain starts whirling.  You repeat all the work you've done that day, over and over again. Sometimes this is a good thing when you think of something important that you somehow forgot to do.  Other times it's just plain annoying, especially when you were just so glad the day was over!  Many nights, in my waking hours, God brings awesome thoughts to mind and I can't wait to get up and write them down....but I don't...I lay there whirling them around so I won't forget them.  Other times, when the days work continues to go around and around, I will start to "sing" a praise song or an old hymn, in my head, to keep my mind focused on something else than work or problems.  Well, that was where I was last night.  Singing away in my head until all of a sudden I realized that I started to sing a verse OUTLOUD!  I stopped the minute I realized what I did...so perhaps I was half-sleeping.  I looked at my hubby to see if he heard me. He didn't move but when I mentioned it to him this morning he said he did remember it!  So, I guess when you are singing in your head, you'd best put some tape over your mouth!  Especially if someone else is enjoying the beauty of a good night's sleep!

Tis the Season.....for Change!

Changes in life seem to be always around the corner.  Sometimes for the better and others that don't seem to be so good at the time.  Whether good or hard, they are usually followed by a season of chaos that affects every area of life that you have grown accustomed to.  This season, gratefully, doesn't last forever although it does seem all-consuming.  Even those changes that you may have anticipated, there's always a starting point of commitment when the newness begins with the strike of the clock.   What follows is this season of chaos in which we find ourselves.  New information pouring into your brain, interrupting the well-worn patterns of your mind, demanding to find storage.   The flow of your daily schedule abruptly changes into what feels like a schedule of a crazed maniac with only your will to endure until you fall into bed at night.  Task that formally were completed in a timely manner now join the "to do" list that seems to be growing longer than a child's Christmas  "wish list".    The minutes, hours, days and weeks fly by as you try to keep it together during this whirlwind season.  This will pass...it always does….eventually.   I find myself nearing the end, hopefully, of such a season as this.   A new  place of employment has consumed the empty crevasses of my brain, the idle minutes of my days and unused energy  I didn’t know I had.  There is one thing I've noticed, however, as I've gotten through the past couple of weeks…...peace.  Not every season of change in my life has been as peaceful as this one has seemed.  Whether it's my age or the mounds of seasons of change I have endured through the years, this one has seemed to be the most peaceful.    Perhaps it's because I just followed the footprints where God led me.  There's a verse in the Bible found in Psalms 16:11 that says, " You have made known to me the path of life;  you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."  To me, the joy in His presence and eternal pleasure is the peace I feel knowing that I am on His path for my life.   Thank you, Lord, for the crazy season that follows YOUR change in our lives.  May you, too, experience peace in your crazy seasons after a change.

Another Step in the Reality of Grieving....Restlessness!

It's amazing how quickly time passes by.   The days sped by with the busyness of the Christmas  season.  I had wonderful times with my family and friends and made precious memories to hold onto.  I am so grateful and thankful for all that God has blessed me with.  It seems, however, that even through these wonderful times of memory makers, the inner struggle to grieve and overcome the grieving rages on.  The difficult time of anticipating the holiday, accepting the reality that they are here and the sadness that they are past.  The continuing emotional roller coaster ride that grieving brings to our lives.  After our family gathering the day after Christmas, which was so much fun,  I seemed to slip into this restlessness.  We were busy, but not that busy.  I had no desire to take down "Christmas" yet...for there were a few days that I could not have gotten out of my own shadow.  The total lack of energy and desire.  Just ….restless.  I finally figured it out after chatting with my daughter during that week...who was kind of feeling the same way.  It got me thinking that it had to do with this grieving process.  The fact that by putting  another holiday behind me and then another year, adds to the time between me and the last time my boys were here with us.  I guess that is where I found myself for a few days.  Caught between leaving time behind and embracing all the beginnings before me.  Little did I know the truth behind those "beginnings."  God knew…..and He held me close in my restlessness.  Allowing me to feel, to grieve, to sit a little while, trying to hold on to time, and then to let it go and move on to the hope of the future that He has for me.  These words are found in one of my favorite verses in the Bible,  Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  With each year, each week, each day, each moment, I learn a little bit more of this future He has for me.  Walking each step with Him already ahead of me is my reality.   

Welcome 2014....????!!!!

Happy 2014 to all!  A new year always brings a bag of mixed emotions for me.  Yes, it is happy and full of thankfulness and expectations, but it is also sad because we are forced to leave behind another year that separates us from the presence of my boys and my mom.  So, it is with all of this, I welcomed in the New Year.  As I have written before, it is the anticipation of these annual events that are the worst to get through.  As the clock struck midnight, the hoopla on TV welcomed the infamous ball drop, which you could barely see way above the skyscrapers of NYC, I texted my wishes and love to my 2 kids and wished my friend and step-daughter a Happy New Year.  A far cry from the huge farm parties we enjoyed for so many years growing up, but thankful to be here, healthy and strong, welcoming another year.   Within 3 minutes past 12, my cell phone rang.  My daughter was in tears, telling me that she just got engaged!!  I immediate said, "What?  Are  you kidding me?"  Then she sobbed that she had gotten a ring and it was so beautiful!! Then I knew I was hearing what I was hearing and the happiness and joy for my daughter and her fiancé filled my soul!  What happy tears I cried for them!!  2014 is going to be a year of change for all of us.  A change for the better.  A change filled with hope, excitement and commitment.   I have seen pictures of my daughter's beautiful smile  with her face filled with happiness and pictures of her beautiful  ring but I have yet to see it all with my own eyes!  I can't wait!  Today may just be the day that I might be dazzled by the sparkles…..in her eyes and in her diamond!    So many hopes, dreams and plans for the future of this new family.    I am so thankful for a God who is so faithful.  For a God that does not allow us to stay in our fluctuating emotions but gives us a foundation of joy and peace in Him.   Yes, welcome 2014!   Let the changes along with new commitments begin!