Another Step in the Reality of Grieving....Restlessness!

It's amazing how quickly time passes by.   The days sped by with the busyness of the Christmas  season.  I had wonderful times with my family and friends and made precious memories to hold onto.  I am so grateful and thankful for all that God has blessed me with.  It seems, however, that even through these wonderful times of memory makers, the inner struggle to grieve and overcome the grieving rages on.  The difficult time of anticipating the holiday, accepting the reality that they are here and the sadness that they are past.  The continuing emotional roller coaster ride that grieving brings to our lives.  After our family gathering the day after Christmas, which was so much fun,  I seemed to slip into this restlessness.  We were busy, but not that busy.  I had no desire to take down "Christmas" yet...for there were a few days that I could not have gotten out of my own shadow.  The total lack of energy and desire.  Just ….restless.  I finally figured it out after chatting with my daughter during that week...who was kind of feeling the same way.  It got me thinking that it had to do with this grieving process.  The fact that by putting  another holiday behind me and then another year, adds to the time between me and the last time my boys were here with us.  I guess that is where I found myself for a few days.  Caught between leaving time behind and embracing all the beginnings before me.  Little did I know the truth behind those "beginnings."  God knew…..and He held me close in my restlessness.  Allowing me to feel, to grieve, to sit a little while, trying to hold on to time, and then to let it go and move on to the hope of the future that He has for me.  These words are found in one of my favorite verses in the Bible,  Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  With each year, each week, each day, each moment, I learn a little bit more of this future He has for me.  Walking each step with Him already ahead of me is my reality.