You know those long nights......

There are just some nights that seem to go on forever.  Last night was one of those for me.  You go to bed so tired that you can't think straight and the minute your head hits the pillow...well, after you get warmed up and cozy, your brain starts whirling.  You repeat all the work you've done that day, over and over again. Sometimes this is a good thing when you think of something important that you somehow forgot to do.  Other times it's just plain annoying, especially when you were just so glad the day was over!  Many nights, in my waking hours, God brings awesome thoughts to mind and I can't wait to get up and write them down....but I don't...I lay there whirling them around so I won't forget them.  Other times, when the days work continues to go around and around, I will start to "sing" a praise song or an old hymn, in my head, to keep my mind focused on something else than work or problems.  Well, that was where I was last night.  Singing away in my head until all of a sudden I realized that I started to sing a verse OUTLOUD!  I stopped the minute I realized what I did...so perhaps I was half-sleeping.  I looked at my hubby to see if he heard me. He didn't move but when I mentioned it to him this morning he said he did remember it!  So, I guess when you are singing in your head, you'd best put some tape over your mouth!  Especially if someone else is enjoying the beauty of a good night's sleep!

Tis the Season.....for Change!

Changes in life seem to be always around the corner.  Sometimes for the better and others that don't seem to be so good at the time.  Whether good or hard, they are usually followed by a season of chaos that affects every area of life that you have grown accustomed to.  This season, gratefully, doesn't last forever although it does seem all-consuming.  Even those changes that you may have anticipated, there's always a starting point of commitment when the newness begins with the strike of the clock.   What follows is this season of chaos in which we find ourselves.  New information pouring into your brain, interrupting the well-worn patterns of your mind, demanding to find storage.   The flow of your daily schedule abruptly changes into what feels like a schedule of a crazed maniac with only your will to endure until you fall into bed at night.  Task that formally were completed in a timely manner now join the "to do" list that seems to be growing longer than a child's Christmas  "wish list".    The minutes, hours, days and weeks fly by as you try to keep it together during this whirlwind season.  This will pass...it always does….eventually.   I find myself nearing the end, hopefully, of such a season as this.   A new  place of employment has consumed the empty crevasses of my brain, the idle minutes of my days and unused energy  I didn’t know I had.  There is one thing I've noticed, however, as I've gotten through the past couple of weeks…...peace.  Not every season of change in my life has been as peaceful as this one has seemed.  Whether it's my age or the mounds of seasons of change I have endured through the years, this one has seemed to be the most peaceful.    Perhaps it's because I just followed the footprints where God led me.  There's a verse in the Bible found in Psalms 16:11 that says, " You have made known to me the path of life;  you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."  To me, the joy in His presence and eternal pleasure is the peace I feel knowing that I am on His path for my life.   Thank you, Lord, for the crazy season that follows YOUR change in our lives.  May you, too, experience peace in your crazy seasons after a change.

Another Step in the Reality of Grieving....Restlessness!

It's amazing how quickly time passes by.   The days sped by with the busyness of the Christmas  season.  I had wonderful times with my family and friends and made precious memories to hold onto.  I am so grateful and thankful for all that God has blessed me with.  It seems, however, that even through these wonderful times of memory makers, the inner struggle to grieve and overcome the grieving rages on.  The difficult time of anticipating the holiday, accepting the reality that they are here and the sadness that they are past.  The continuing emotional roller coaster ride that grieving brings to our lives.  After our family gathering the day after Christmas, which was so much fun,  I seemed to slip into this restlessness.  We were busy, but not that busy.  I had no desire to take down "Christmas" yet...for there were a few days that I could not have gotten out of my own shadow.  The total lack of energy and desire.  Just ….restless.  I finally figured it out after chatting with my daughter during that week...who was kind of feeling the same way.  It got me thinking that it had to do with this grieving process.  The fact that by putting  another holiday behind me and then another year, adds to the time between me and the last time my boys were here with us.  I guess that is where I found myself for a few days.  Caught between leaving time behind and embracing all the beginnings before me.  Little did I know the truth behind those "beginnings."  God knew…..and He held me close in my restlessness.  Allowing me to feel, to grieve, to sit a little while, trying to hold on to time, and then to let it go and move on to the hope of the future that He has for me.  These words are found in one of my favorite verses in the Bible,  Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  With each year, each week, each day, each moment, I learn a little bit more of this future He has for me.  Walking each step with Him already ahead of me is my reality.   

Welcome 2014....????!!!!

Happy 2014 to all!  A new year always brings a bag of mixed emotions for me.  Yes, it is happy and full of thankfulness and expectations, but it is also sad because we are forced to leave behind another year that separates us from the presence of my boys and my mom.  So, it is with all of this, I welcomed in the New Year.  As I have written before, it is the anticipation of these annual events that are the worst to get through.  As the clock struck midnight, the hoopla on TV welcomed the infamous ball drop, which you could barely see way above the skyscrapers of NYC, I texted my wishes and love to my 2 kids and wished my friend and step-daughter a Happy New Year.  A far cry from the huge farm parties we enjoyed for so many years growing up, but thankful to be here, healthy and strong, welcoming another year.   Within 3 minutes past 12, my cell phone rang.  My daughter was in tears, telling me that she just got engaged!!  I immediate said, "What?  Are  you kidding me?"  Then she sobbed that she had gotten a ring and it was so beautiful!! Then I knew I was hearing what I was hearing and the happiness and joy for my daughter and her fiancé filled my soul!  What happy tears I cried for them!!  2014 is going to be a year of change for all of us.  A change for the better.  A change filled with hope, excitement and commitment.   I have seen pictures of my daughter's beautiful smile  with her face filled with happiness and pictures of her beautiful  ring but I have yet to see it all with my own eyes!  I can't wait!  Today may just be the day that I might be dazzled by the sparkles…..in her eyes and in her diamond!    So many hopes, dreams and plans for the future of this new family.    I am so thankful for a God who is so faithful.  For a God that does not allow us to stay in our fluctuating emotions but gives us a foundation of joy and peace in Him.   Yes, welcome 2014!   Let the changes along with new commitments begin!