Christmas Blues...Good or Bad?

December begins...ready or not!  I'm never "ready".  It starts after the Thanksgiving Dinner is over and the clean-up is done and I get to sit down and think about what is next.  It actually starts before that, as the stores rush from Halloween to Christmas decorations.  The sign of the "Christmas blues" starts to creep deep within me.  I can ignore them for those weeks of looking forward to seeing family and preparing all of the favorite foods that go along with our traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  I don't want to skip over one of my favorite holidays that brings the nation to the place of thanksgiving for the goodness of God to all of us.  We do have so much to be thankful for.   But even for this time of thanksgiving, the sense of loss is great.  My sis is the one frying up the onions for the stuffing and we are the ones to get up early and get the birds in the oven.  It used to be my mom.  All my kids always made it to our family Thanksgiving dinner but they can't make it anymore.   It's ok...it has to be ok….because this is the way it is.  So, it does start before December comes but as these cold, winter day came this year, the blues seems to gotten bluer.  Hmmm...I've always wondered why blue has been my favorite color since I've been old enough to choose one.  It is such a beautiful, serene  color, like the sky.  Perhaps that is why I don't mind feeling blue.  It is not a bad thing because how can such a beautiful, peaceful color be bad?  After all, God created blue, in the sky and in the sea.  Two of my favorite things to watch as they change moment by moment.  So, I guess that when I made up the title to this post, it wasn't a negative thing.  For this place I find myself in for another year, is the place where I am closest to the comfort of my God.  The creator of blue, the sky and the sea, of life and death.   As I walk in the closeness of God, it doesn't mean that my heart isn't sad.  It doesn't mean I don't grieve the great loss I've endured of my two sons, my mom, my dear friend's husband, a cherished co-worker, my brother, my grandparents  and so many more.  What it does mean is that He is walking with me through it all.  Day by day, step by step, holding my tears in a bottle, giving me the strength to take that deep breath and keep on, keeping on.  Sitting in my chair, even now, looking around my house, there are no decorations up, yet.  No desire to get those totes out, yet.  No gift list written on paper, yet.  No Christmas cookie baking day, yet.   No definite plans for Christmas eve or Christmas day dinner, yet.  They will be made.  They will all happen.  But I guess today, I realized that those "blues" that were creeping deep inside of me have crept closer to the surface.  It's really ok because it is the way it is.  Life does change.  Moment by moment, just like my beloved sky and sea.  Seldom does the calm, serene appearance last long.  The storms they bring can be good for us, to nourish us and make us grow or they can destroy us.  The one thing I know I can hold onto is the God that created them, the creator of the beautiful blue  skies that I have loved to watch for over a half century, is the creator of me, too.  Even in my time of these Christmas blues, I am serene and quiet, with my precious loved ones on my heart.  The ones that I have lost and the ones that I am blessed to still have with me.   Although I can keep  trying to put off the merriment of the upcoming holidays, they will come.  I will be blessed and enjoy the festivities that come along with it.  I will rejoice and sing the Christmas carols that tell of our Savior's birth.  I will enjoy the precious smiles of my kids and grandkids and our time spent together.  I know that I will cherish all the new memories that will be made.  I think we will get our tree up this weekend and I think that the lights on it will be blue again this year.   It's always the anticipation that is the hardest.  For today, I will just keep walking with my hand in God's and keep on, keeping on and holding onto the good of feeling blue.  Blessings to you!